Temptation

There are something about my life that I'm not so proud of and I'm ok with admiting that. So as I start to clean up my life from all the impurities that I have begun fasting from sweets so that I can move forward with my life in the God intends me to. Let me tell tho how much a temptation sweets are for me!! I think about it all the time and I've realized those thoughts are from the devil so everytime I get the urge to run to the freezer and have some ice cream or when I wanna reach into that M & M bowl sitting on the counter I pray! I have only been sugar free for 5 days but it has been so refreshing to know that I can do this because I'm serious about getting my life back the way God wants me to! No one said this was gonna be easy and I'm finding out that its def. not! But I'm working through it and taking one day at a time.

Ps. On a side note I just found out that my friend Sam's aunt who is 37 is dying and the Dr's dont know why!!! Please keep her in your prays!

Happy Birthday Sarah!

So yeasturday was Sarah's AMAZING suprise party that I had the hardest time keeping a secret! lol I finally got to meet DJ who I have heard so much about from the whole Barlow family. He is all the they said he would be and more! lol Sadly tho he was only in town for the day and left early this morning. But the party was so much fun! Sarah's mom and I stalled her from leaving cause Sarah and I were sposta spend the say together getting pedicures and going to the mall and stuff and we were both so excited about it but little did Sarah know what we really had planned. Her mom kept asking us to help clean up and hold the baby and help with Olivia and i could tell Sarah was getting a little more than annoyed. So i told her lets just wait until her mom showered so we could watch the baby then we would leave after that. So after her mom freshened up Andrew came upstairs where Sarah and I were on her computer and asked Sarah to help him with something on his computer. Sarah did not have the patience to do that at the moment so she told him to "chill." But her dad insisted that she help him.....when she went downstairt everyone jumped out and yelled suprise! She was so excited she had to excuse herself! lol We all had such a great time talking and singing and going out to dinner(thanks DJ)!!!! All in all it was a very sucessful party thanks to "D & A Party Planning" LOL (Andrew!) haha. Heres the **Slideshow** Sarah made!!

Looking for a job...

Anyone have any ideas for a job?! I need a job!! Help!!!

I Love My Friends

I have this AMAZING friend named **Sarah**! She has this great **photography** buisness going where she takes pictures of children, weddings, receptions, and senior pictures! Shes so sucessful already at such a young age! I mean shes younger than me! lol. Well its totally God who has given her all her sucess! I am so blessed to see all that she is doing so far and i look forward to seeing everything God brings her in the future.

Spiritual Warfare....

Ever since i was little ive had trouble keeping up my relationship with the person who matters most...God! I think its because the devil knows that God has a very wonderful plan for my life so he wants to do everything in his power to keep me from suceeding with God's purpose! Well up until not I have let the devil win my life! Not anymore! I have seen the light and I*m heading towards it!


I*ve always had that tugging on my heart but never really understood what it was. It was God! He was telling me to change my life and follow Him! As I make changes in my life from worldly to Godly I can tell it*s making the devil unhappy because he is doing things to try and test me and make me slip back into my old ways. God sees how the devil is testing me and He continues to encourage me and tell how much He loves me!!


I think it was my senior year in high school where we had a guest speaker who came and shared the testimony of *Rachel Joy Scott* with my school. For those of you who don*t know who Rachel Joy Scott is....she is one of the many killed in the 1999 shooting at Colombine High School. She was only 17 years old and killed for her undying faith to the Lord. The ironic thing was that she had told her mom earlier that year that she knew that it was going to be her last year of living. The Lord had spoken to her and told her not how she was going to die but why. She accepted that fate because she knew God's purpose was not to have her killed in vain but for her story to be told through her death! Needless to say that every girl (and some guys) left the assemby that day with tears in thier eyes and hope in thier hearts. It paticularly touched my heart because i felt that i wasnt doing enough to show people my faith. Was i ashamed of God?? No way! I just wasnt as open to my faith and my religion as Rachel was. I admire herso much for being able to handle everything life and the devil threw at her.

Inner Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've always heard that I've heard but never really understood. Now i understand it better! After really thinking about it I decided to make a change and stop judging people by thier outward apperance and start seeing them the way God wants us to. It's taken me a while to realize all this but after taking some time away from my worldly friends and spending alot of time to myself and God He started to show me things that He's wanted me to see for a long time. I just wasnt ready to recieve what He wanted to tell me! Now that I've taken time to actually listen to Him its very eye opening for me b/c I can actually hear Him!!

Something awesome happened to me 2night! Lastnight i was praying and talking to God about how I need Him to show me whether it be from His word or thru church I just need Him to show me about prayer because i can never tell if I'm doing it right! Well 2night when I went to PFC(Praise Fellowship Church) it turns out the whole message was about prayer and different ways of praying how cool! God showed me that he really was listening to me. The whole time during the message 2night i was thinking about how perfect it was !!

When We Need Him Most He's Here!

I think it's when you need Him most is When He's there for you! God is so amazing! Lastnight there was amazing lightning going on for hours. Then out of no where the power went out around 10:45 pm. Well it didnt come back on till around 2:45. But it's what happened between then that was so awesome! I was laying in bed with do AC so i was very hot! It was so quiet because nothing was making any noise. So i just started praying and talking to God. Then after i was done talking to him i decided to be quiet and listen to what He had to say to me. It didnt take that long until I heard Him! He said "My child. You are blessed. Have no worries. Have no fears; for when you walk in the Lord, I am with you!" He truely is amazing!!

Life Throws Us Curve Balls!

I always thought that my greatest accomplishment would be figuring out life then living it to its fullest. But....I have come to figure out that out of a bad situation came the best thing that ever happen to me...My daughter, Brooklyn. Through her i have learned what love really means. I get to live everyday through a childs eyes because of her. She shows me things about myself that i never knew.

Of course when you are faced with being pregnant at the not so tender age of 18 the worst goes through your head, yet for some reason i always knew she was going to come into this world because God has a great purpose for her life! Because of Brooke I'm starting to see that God has a bigger plan for my life as well.

Brooke has brought so much joy to my family its unbelievable!!! I never thought one person who just turned one could make so many people happy by just being here. My friends tell me everyday how blessed they feel for being in Brooke's life and see her grow up.

Trust me thought it wasnt always as happy as i make it out to be. Having to break the news to not only Brooke's dad but my parents that i was pregnant was the hardest obsticle that i have ever had to face. I remember the day I found out i was pregnant.....I had been feeling ill for about a week and a half and after the first few days of just thinking it was the flu i started to realize that maybe it was something else, something bigger than the flu. So i went to the store and bought a home pregnancy test and took it when i got home. While i was peeing on the stick it came out positive and i think it was at that very moment no matter what anyone was going to say i was keeping the baby. I was 18 out of high school and had a good job and a great home so i saw no reason to not keep it.

1st person i called? My best friend stephanie. She had always been my rock for as long as i could remember. She had no clue what i should do so i told her i was gonna call Aaron(brooke's dad). I called him to tell him that i needed to meet up with him and that i was coming over to his house, but he was busy at his dad's house but i told him it was an emergency and that he needed to meet up with me so he did. When I got to his place he had a friend over who i asked to leave. Aaron wasnt really thrilled to see me b/c two weeks before that we cut things off between us because he was cheating on me and he wanted to be with other girl. Knife to the heart. I remember when i told him i was pregnant tears came to his eyes and trust me they werent happy ones. He asked me to get an abortion two times before i started to get upset. He told me he had to go over to his brother's house and talk to him, so i went home, scared and alone not knowing what to do.

I didnt know how to tell m parents so for a little while i didnt. I went to the doctor to double check that i really was pregnant, which i was. So it was official another child was going to bring a child into this cold scary world. I wrote my parents a letter telling them i was pregnant and it was an amazing letter but i couldnt bare to give it to them. I didnt want to deal with the dissapointment that was going to come from the news. Well it turns out i gathered up the courage to tell my mom one day when my dad was working; i thought it might be easier to tell them one at a time. I balled my eyes out and tried to tell her but i literally couldnt get the words out of my mouth so i gave her the letter and barried my face in a pillow sobbing while she read it. She was shocked! She shared some personal stuff with me about her past then told me i would have to tell my dad. I went upstairs to regain my composure and when i came down she said she called my dad and told him. lol. she kinda cant keep secrets and thats what i was counting on. I guess you could say it was cowardly of me to do that but my dad is one of my best friends and i could NOT handle telling him.

I remember going to Aaron's place to talk about baby names before we knew if it was a boy or girl. He told me he was hoping for a boy because girls were so fragile. And when i told him if it was a girl i wanted to name her Brooklyn his reply was "Brooklyn? Like the city??" Needless to say he hated it! I loved it! lol Call it cruel but i wanted to give her a name i loved and he hated.

Being pregnant at 18 was tough. Being pregnant at 18 and getting abandoned by the baby's father when ur 3 months pregnant is even tougher. Oh yea i didnt mention that? Aaron moved back home and turned off his cell phone so i had no way of reaching him. Then he and his twin brother proceeded to tell everyone that the baby wasnt Aaron's and that i was a slut. Yea. It was like he twisted that knife in my heart around in circles.

So i did it alone. My parents barely spoke to me and my friends had no idea what i was really going through. When I found out that the baby was a girl Aaron wasnt there. I couldnt even call him to tell him. And when Brooke was born Aaron wasnt there. I got a message from him the next day saying he heard i had the baby and he was wondering when we can get a paternit test. Again he twisted that knife even deeper. He couldnt call and ask how i was doing and ask how the baby was and what he could do to help. No, he had to be a jerk and think only about himself like always.

One week after Brooke was born Aaron came overwith his mom to see Brooke and he had no clue how to hold her! It was the wierdest thing seeing him after not seeing him for 6 months and to see him sitting on my couch holding the child that i had been caring for in my womb without his support.

We got that paternity test and when he finally saw i was right all along he had to have felt dumb. I wouldnt know would i? To this day he has never apologized for everything he put me through. I know its not right of me but i still have bitter feelings about it all. I've been working on having peace about it all but it just hasnt come to me yet. It will.

When Brooke was about 3 months old Aaron told me that he wished it had been anybody else but me that he had gotten pregnant. Again the knife went even deeper. I dont even really know what i did to make him hate me so much.

I dont care what he thinks of me though. It doesnt stop me from loving my daughter and raising her the way i know God wants me to. She is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and i would never take away any of the pain physically and emotionally that i went through if it meant she wasnt here. She was an accident but never a mistake. She is in my eyes God's greatest creation. Brooke has taught me how to love and shes given me a reason to be on this earth and shes only one! I cant wait to see her grow up and experience new things from life and from God!

Who Are We Fooling Anyway?

The very first time I saw The Passion of the Christ I balled my eyes out wondering how people can do that to the person they love and know to be the true Christ!? How can people be so cruel to someone so kind and how can they be so nice to the people who have treated them so badly? Needless to say that movie got me thinking about what its going to be like when the anti christ comes into existence. Like how the left behind series shows us a glimpse of what it might be like, its mind baffling! It makes you think that if a total stanger can fool everyone like the anti christ does then can someone u think is your closest friend be doing that same thing? But then it got me thinking even more......am I just fooling everyone? does anyone really know me? Am I good at keeping people at a distance? Am I also fooling myself? Well for one thing the only person who I am not fooling is God. He knows what struggles i go through daily on the inside and on the outside. I can't hide anything from him!!!!! That means he sees all the good and bad things i do through out my day! uh oh! Lets just say I dont always do whats right!!! But I'm workin on it! I strive to be a Godly woman. Let me tell you though it is a struggle to be like this in a world that tells us its cool to have sex, dress promiscuous and do drugs! Finding friends that help you stay accountable is not always easy either! Even friends at church struggle with these same issues on a daily basis. So where is a girl to turn when she feels trapped by society and thier harsh views? Well God of course! That is something that I have always been taught in church but struggled with actually turning to God when i truely needed him! As I get older and I'm faced with more adult situations I'm finding it easier to turn to God and cry out for his wisdom and guidence for my life. It's also nice to have some friends with thier spiritual head on thier shoulders. lol!

Very Challenging Morning

Lets just say this morning it was very hard to keep my joy. I was determined to make it to church no matter what, well first off my gas light was on when i started my car then when i got to the gas station i didnt have the right credit card then on my way to church there was some motorcycle event happening so i waited over 10 mins at an intersection when i finally decided to go left then realizing i didnt know how to get to church that way so i called my parents in tears from frustration. After taking the directions my dad gave me i found out that the stupid motorcycle guys were also taking my short cut! Grrrr! I couldnt get a break!!!! FINALLY...I made it to church a little late but just in time for the part of praise and worship that i really needed to hear. its like God wanted me to have all of the obsticles that i did today so that i can better apreciate what he has for me. The song that came on during praise and worship that i needed to hear went something like this..."Lord i give you my heart I give You my soul, I live for you alone, every breath that i take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me." I believe God wanted to me to hear that song and realize that when he throws us hard situations that test our patience that we just need to give it up to him and remember that he is here for us all we have to do is just cry out to God and he will answer us. Well if God was testing me today i dont think i passed, but i did learn a lesson and i caught his point. Its ok to have a bad day sometimes as long as we dont dwell on it and as long as we realize God is here for us!!! Call out his name and he will be there to take your hand and guide you!!!

its too hot out!

Grrrr itz too hot out so idk wut to do today! I wanted to take brooke for a bike ride but i dont want her to get sick from the heat and the sun! so i guess we're trapped in the house with nothing but our imaginations. So me and Brooke are gonna put our heads together and see what we can play!